I was on the train today and the train put me in a rather philosophical mood, as I think mass transportation is often apt to do. I always seem to be at extremes on a train; either battling mentally on the level of a reborn Socrates (though I never seem to be able to articulate those ideas later, so I tell myself they transcended human thought) or else in some sort of horrible, world-despising mood. I can go with either as they both seem to make the journey equally long. Today was definitely a philosophizing one. The woman behind me was obnoxiously close and loud and another two rows back was breathing very loudly and coughing. Not as if she were ill. She was just one of Those Breathers who are sublimely unaware of their own tendency to drive everyone else in their near proximity mad. I had thus shut the world out with the aid of headphones and a Phillip Glass station on Pandora.
One of my friends is out of town for the next few days. Although most of me was sad to see her go, a little bit of me hiding quietly beneath that was pleased. I would have the house and my time all to myself for the most part and besides, some of the things she had been doing were getting quite annoying. She is a fairly new friend and a great one, but you know it can be pretty easy to get irritated with someone rather quickly when you are around them all the tIme. Little things start to stand out like lighting strikes whereas before they would have simply faded in to the background or not have been noticed at all. I had been at that point with this friend.
I’ve been bothered by this concept of friendships fading due to daily annoyances for some time now. clearly everyone experiences this; I know it isn’t just me. I am almost certain she reciprocates my feelings of irritation from time to time. So why do we allow these things to get to us so much, so that hat it becomes like hot stabs of anger every time they’d say some mundane, well-intentioned thing?
Wondering these things and correcting them are two totally different things and I didn’t see myself correcting this issue anytime soon or even being able to do so. When I boarded the train into the city yesterday, my mind wasn’t really on it, but then I caught sight of a McDonalds. or rather, I saw the Golden Arches. They are in a pretty dingy area, but it nevertheless had my mind swelling at once with a rush of thoughts and memories. The friend and I, you see, have visited this McDonalds and while I can’t say I even particularly enjoyed our time there (I can even look back and read into it the things that are currently annoying me), it at once brought me back to the essence of our friendship and how much I missed her. I was traveling by myself which is a pretty rare occurrence and feeling a bit lonely. It flashed into my mind that none of this mattered without someone else there beside you, without a friend to laugh over it with or to discuss the gorgeous weather with.
I know this isn’t an original thought, but the effect was no less important. In that moment of realization was also a realization that I simply have to be more tolerant with those I love. Her faults are still there, but so are mine. In the middle of it is a friendship that can either etch away at those faults betwixt the two of us or can get chipped away at by those same failings. I think I’d rather see us both strengthened rather than ruined by it. And that can only come about through a deliberate mind shift on my part that says, yes, I am putting up with good deal from her, but I dare say she is doing the same for me. I can either grow from it or be resentful over it. Hopefully I will be able to choose the former more often than not. That said, I did have a lovely and refreshing day on my own, so scattered herein are some new memories in picture form.
Some days are just rough. When I have a rough day, the end of it generally ends up looking something like this:
Coffee Cup + Netflix + Blanket + Feet Up
Not that there is anything wrong with that. I love ending a day this way, but when it is preceded by troubles, especially the sort you can’t get out of your mind, then it’s something I tend to regret. I know there are other things I should be doing but right now, all I want is a mindless activity that will somehow turn the switch in my brain to ‘off’ which will then, in turn, give me a few precious hours where I can pretend it all did not happen, is not happening, and never will.